The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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