Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
