did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
