just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
