In the future we'll all be gay
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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