i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
