I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Someone came in the potted fern
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I would fuck him just for his dog
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
