Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
