Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
