I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
