it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
