can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
