Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
