I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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