Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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