i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
