the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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