Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
