Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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