Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
