i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
