so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
