I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
