To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
