We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
