Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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