I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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