also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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