You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
