I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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