and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
