Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
