hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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