there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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