if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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