if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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