i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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