Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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