Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
