If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
