Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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