i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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