She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
