her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
my poor anus
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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