i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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