i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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