Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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