I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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