I want to make a zoo with you.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
