Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
there was a trapeze. enough said
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
