why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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