I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I can text with my tongue
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
